How Can I Help My Spouse?
Question by Pacific: How can I help my spouse?
My wife is a recovering heroin addict. She went to rehab for 30 days and has now been out for 30 days. 15 days out of rehab she told me that she is smoking weed and we got into a big argument and I told her that she can’t do it. Now on several occasions I have noticed that she nods off, like her eyes slightly roll back and her had lowers and than she suddenly goes back to normal conversation.
This happened again yesterday and I asked her to take a drug test and she totally refused saying that I always ask her if she is high and don’t trust her and she kept saying she did not do anything wrong and that’s why she wont take a drug test. So now I am almost positive that she is using again even though she denies it with all that she has. I made a promise to myself that I would leave if she went back to drugs but I cant seem to do it. She wont come clean and wont take a drug test, what should I do? Im looking for some advice…
Best answer:
Answer by HUNNY
She is definitely using heroin again. Nodding out is a big sign. Listen, you might not like what I’m going to say. I hope there are no children in this situation. Leave her. You cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change. They have to want it for themselves. My ex-husband was on meth. When I found out I tried to help him, but I left. My 3 year old mattered more to me than wasting my breath trying to fix his problem for him. He’ll fix it when he’s ready. Your wife will fix it when she’s ready.
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If you stay you are enabling her to continue with the drugs. You need to leave for your own sake. You don’t mention children but if you have any, take them out of there. The courts can order a drug test if it comes to that.
Insist on the drug test. If she went to rehab then she knows she cannot use any drugs or alcohol. She is lying and trying to manipulate you. 30 days is not enough to get an addict off drugs.
Well, from all indications that you give us here, she has not recovered. You see, no one can force anyone to stop using drugs. She has not decided to stop. You are looking at an impossible task. I had to deal with an alcoholic sister with similar circumstances. She would not stop. She died from it after I broke up any contact with her. It was just too painful. People like that cannot be helped. It is up to you but it may be best to seek a divorce and part your ways. Sorry. Best of luck.
You can either apply what A. A. uses.
Or you can find a rehab place for her.
Ask her again to take a drug test but! tell her that if she did nothing wrong then there is no problem with taking a test.
People who ave nothing to hide, do it!
Last resort!!!!!!!!
Leave her!!!!!
No matter how much she pleads!!!!
You just may have to use “tough love!” on her!