Why WON’T This Guy Have Sex With Me? Please Don’t Say He Likes Me – Please Help Me Out!?
Question by BroadwayBaby11: Why WON’T this guy have sex with me? Please don’t say he likes me – please help me out!?
I work as a waitress. Last weekend, the bartender’s car broke down and he asked me for a ride home. Before we left, we started talking about margaritas. He said we should go out for margaritas and we did that night. He bought me a TON of alcohol, we danced, went club hopping, etc. for a few hours after work.
That night, when I dropped him off at home, we went down to his room. I was nervous because I had no clue who this guy was. So, we went out into his backyard and we both went down on each other. He was practically begging me to have sex but neither of us had a condom so I refused. After all of that happened we started looking at the stars, talking, etc. in front of his house. After like an hour or two of that, things started to get hot and heavy again. Again, he wanted to have sex but it didn’t happen.
He promised me we’d go out again before I left that night. He was true to his word and we went out yesterday. He took me to lunch, a movie, dinner and to play pool – and he pretty much bought all of it (I bought lunch and then he wouldn’t let me pay for the rest of the day). He knew a guy at the movie theatre and we ended up getting a private room. I went down on him again and he tried to go down on me but I was too nervous in a movie theatre so that didn’t happen.
During the date I discovered he has a lot of ‘baggage’ – he went to jail when he was 21 for possession. While in jail his daughter was born. He rarely gets to see her. After that, he got married to a woman who was not his baby mama. They were together for 1.5 years before she left him because he was drinking a lot and she was sure he was cheating on her (he says he wasn’t and I believe him). They separated in January and divorced two months ago. He is nervous about being in a relationship because he wants to rebuild his life now without being codependant or using a stepping stone (aka a girlfriend) in his life – his words.
As I dropped him off at home, I suggested getting a room or going back to his place. He said no because he felt like he was using me (I had told him about the horrendous stuff my ex did to me which included just using me as a booty call). I was confused because he had offered sex before and now was saying no. This was when I found out about his feelings on a relationship and he suggested hanging out again on Monday before he got out of the car (which we do have plans for)
What gives? I’m not quite sure I want a relationship right now – just a cool guy to hang out with and have sex with. When we were drunk the first time I talked about a relationship but I made it clear to him last night that I don’t want a relationship. My reasoning for not wanting a relationship is that I have to go back to school which will just complicate things. I just don’t want him to treat me like we don’t know each other at work (which he was confused about…is that a weird thing to ask?)
The reason I am not sure that he likes me is that he never texts me back (he hates phones) and that he pretty much said to my face he didn’t want a relationship because his divorce is too new….but then why didn’t he have sex with me?
Is there a way to convince him otherwise?
Best answer:
Answer by T.
You didn’t strip and offer… that’s why
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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He bought you a ton of alcohol and then you drove home? Lucky you didn’t kill anyone with your irresponsible behaviour.
Maybe he has changed or found God and wants to remain abstinent until he’s married again. You should be happy he’s not aiming for physical pleasure– most guys do. He wants to respect you, so respect his wishes as well.
“……Is there a way to convince him otherwise?…..”
My guess is he’s waiting for a letter from the “clinic”……he wants to make sure his last “issue” has finally cleared up…..
“……but then why didn’t he have sex with me?…..’
And if you don’t think going down on each other isn’t “sex”…..you and Hillary are equally stooooopid….
he’s just not that into you
He’s not replying to you because you basically insinuated that you don’t want to have sex with him. You named 3 instances where he practically begged you for it (and paid for it) and you turned him down each time – us men (the smart ones, atleast) have a 3-strike rule, if it doesn’t happen on the first three dates, we assume it’s not going to happen at all. This is why he decided to tell you more about his past, because he’s assumed he was just in the friend zone. The good news is that you can probably still have sex with him, you just have to be the one to initiate it, and be bold in telling him that’s specifically what you want – no hints. Anything else right now, he’s just going to ignore. That’s how us guys are.